6 Problems With Porn

Let’s just get down to it, sex sells. Porn is rampant all over the Internet today. So what’s the problem with it? A number of things, but today I will present you with 6 major problems with porn, especially as it relates to your marriage. And, just a fair warning this article is straightforward at times.

 

21st century Americans live in a sexually charged society. Movie ratings have become more lenient on what sort of sexual scenes are allowed in movies, promotional ads are showing more and more skin, and clothing is becoming more and more scarce. Kids are engaging in sexual activities at younger and younger ages. Let’s face it, sex is everywhere in America. 

The Internet is readily available, literally at our fingertips, through smartphones, tablets, and personal laptops. And, while it is a great convenience for connecting with friends and family through social media, it is also a very dangerous ground when it comes to Internet porn.

Pornography actually originates from the Greek word porneia, which means harlotry, fornication, or a selling off or surrendering of sexual purity. The word “erotic” is also another common term utilized in sexually explicit materials. This is derived from the Greek word eros, which is the Greek form of sexual ‘love’.

So what’s the problem with porn? Here I will provide you with 6, which is by no means an exhaustive list.

 

1. It is adultery

Let’s just start it off with the biggest factor, it is mental adultery. Let’s be honest, who looks at porn and is not aroused. After all we all know what the point of looking at it is. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:27-28

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Jesus completely turned the world upside down with His presentation that it’s not necessarily what happens on the outside, but rather what is happening in the heart. Lusting after a person is adultery, plain and simple. Pornography allows that lust to be taken to a whole new level because the individual(s) on the screen are completely nude, providing less work for the imagination. And, once you see the image or video, you cannot un-see it. It is in your mind.

 

2. It promotes selfishness

The majority of the time pornography is viewed in private. Why, because the person wants sexual gratification for themselves. While viewing porn the person is concerned about their personal desires. Hence why they will search for their specific “sexual fetish.” Beyond this aspect, they are concerned about their personal climax and orgasm, and do not have to worry about another person.

This mindset promotes a selfishness that is carried forward, either consciously or subconsciously. In living by Christ, one of the main principles is to deny the “self” or your flesh; or as Watchman Nee refers to it, your outer man. Porn does exactly the opposite of that. The need of the person viewing the pornographic material is the highest need/want at the moment.

 

3. It Causes One Spouse To Objectify The Other

When I say objectify, I am referring to the fact that it diminishes the role of your partner. While, it promotes selfishness, it also shows that you do not need your spouse. The marriage bed is to be shared between two co-laborers who are there to fulfill the needs of each other, not just themselves. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

 

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

Man and wife are meant to enjoy each other, and to take care of the needs of each other. This is another reason that we should be having lots of sex. Not only does regular sexual intercourse provide intimacy between a couple, but it provides a barrier for sexual temptation.

 

4. It promotes a controlling mindset/behavior

When a man, or woman, is viewing pornography they are worried about their desire for sexual release. They desire the release through control. They control the pace, arousal, materials viewed, etc. This mindset carries over into reason #3 and is played out through the relationship as well as in the bedroom. The viewer desires to control the situation for their benefit without care for their spouse.

 

5. It can create unrealistic expectations of the marital sexual relationship

Guys your wife doesn’t want to have sex “doggy style” all the time. Make love to your wife face to face. Why do I say ‘guys’? Again, being honest, statistics show men view porn more than women, because they are visually aroused.

I’m all for you having a fulfilling sexual experience within your marriage, but remember to be considerate to your spouse. They may not always want to try some position you saw on a video you watched.

Beyond this, you must understand that every time you have sex is not going to be an explosion. The scenes from pornography are highly exaggerated. Studies have shown that anywhere between 30-50% (some say up to 75%) of women fail to reach orgasm during intercourse. (Google “statistics on female orgasm” for more information)

This is why you need to work at your sexual relationship as a couple. Don’t just get in and get done. You have to communicate with each other. The more time you spend being intimate, the better your sex life will be.

 

 6. The distance from intimacy

Pornography causes the individual to distance himself or herself from intimacy. They become more aroused by an image rather than a relationship. Building upon problems 2, 3, and 4, intercourse becomes about the individual rather than the couple.

Daily intimate conversations and an intimate relationship can be scary. You bare your heart and soul to the person you are with. With pornography there is sexual satisfaction without intimacy. There is no need to work at intimacy. There is no chance for rejection. There is no chance for hurt. The viewer may shy away from the intimacy of the relationship to seek solace physically, mentally, or emotionally through sexual release by viewing pornographic material.

 

There is hope

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the problems with pornography, but it lays a foundation of some of the major problems that it presents, especially to the married couple. Problem number 1 is sufficient enough, but the others provide a deeper understanding of the poison that pornography is. Beyond these, the pornographic industry is one filled with violence, STD’s, as well as drug and alcohol addiction. But you won’t read about in a magazine, or hear about it in a pornographic film.

Pornography is a dangerous slope to play on. I know because I was there once. But, there is hope. There is help. There is a wonderful resource called XXX Church (or 3X Church) that deals with and specializes in Christ centered pornographic addiction recovery. They have numerous articles, workshops, coaching, seminars, as well as accountability software for your smartphone, computer, and/or tablet. They help individuals as well as couples.

 

If you need help or accountability, I highly recommend this resource. Or you can contact me by email, and we can discuss your situation, counseling, or recovery.

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