7 Qualities To Look For When Looking For A Godly Spouse

Marriage is serious business. This is why if you want to have a Christ centered marriage, you have to pick a Godly spouse to partner with. But how do you do that? What qualities do you look for to find a Godly spouse?

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Did you know that the average cost of a wedding in America is $26,444? Do you know how many of those marriages today end in divorce? Roughly 50%!

Many of these marriages would most likely claim to be between Christian men and women. Why then are there so many divorces?

That is why I want to share some advice on how to find a Godly spouse, so you can build a powerful, thriving, Christ-centered marriage. This particular topic is actually a reader request, and a great one at that.


It Starts With You

If you want to have a successful and Christ centered marriage not only does your spouse have to be focused on God, but so do you. Marriage starts before the wedding ever happens. I’ve said it before and I will continue to say it: If you are not focused on the Lord, your marriage won’t be either. Be the spouse you would want to have. It really comes back to living by the principle of Matthew 7:12.

In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you.

When you get married you become one flesh. If you or your spouse are not focused on the Lord, it will rub off on the other.


No Missionary Dating

What is that? I know it sounds funny, but it’s following Paul’s instructions in 2 Corinthians 6:14 not to be unequally yoked:

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Missionary dating is the idea of dating a person who is not a Christ follower in hopes of changing them, and they will one day follow the Lord because you dated them.

Listen closely, only date someone you can see yourself marrying. After a short time of dating my wife, I wrote her a letter laying out my desire to serve the Lord in ministry. I told her if she could not see herself living and working in that capacity then we should part ways. This was a difficult letter to write because I knew I wanted to marry her, but it was for the best.


Evident Spiritual Maturity

Spiritual maturity has nothing to do with age or physical maturity. I have known people who have served the Lord for 20, 30, or even 40 years and are still babes in their spiritual maturity; while I have also known those who have only served the Lord for a short time and were spiritually mature beyond their years.

Spiritual maturity will look different in each person’s life. I am not saying you have to find someone who is infallible and perfect, because God knows you won’t find anyone like that, but look for these traits.


They will love the Lord more than they love you. What?! Yes, they must love the Lord more than they love you. Without Christ, they cannot love you properly. It has be Christ loving you through your spouse, and vice versa. Read more on that HERE.

In loving the Lord more than you, they won’t compromise their relationship with the Lord for you, or anyone. They are not willing to compromise their principles or integrity for your sake.


God is evident as the first priority in their life. – God should be evident in their social media posts, their actions, what they talk about, and how they talk. You can always find the underlying thread that binds every part of their life together. Christ should be what everything in their life points back to.


The fruit of the spirit are evident in their life – Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self Control. (Gal 5:22-23) Again, I’m not saying they have to be perfect, but the good fruit should highly outweigh the bad. Look for these things to be evident in every area of their life.


Prayer Life – I believe prayer is essential to the Christian life. Jesus regularly removed himself from the crowds, and even His closest disciples to go pray. He said I can only do what I see the Father doing. This comes through prayer.

Maturity in the Christian prayer life will include times of intercessory prayer and consecrated prayer time, as well as living a life of unceasing prayer. Unceasing prayer is having the mindset of constant communication with the Father. It is having a thousand prayer thoughts a day. Acknowledging the Father in every instance, and in every scenario in life.


Transparency – One of the hardest things to do is to share our foibles, our weaknesses, or our sins. Spiritual maturity propels a person to be completely transparent with their spouse, or potential spouse.

It is easy to admit our strengths, but our sin wants us to live in isolation. You are more capable of conquering sin as a couple than you are individually.


They propel you to be greater – How is this a trait of a Godly spouse? Christ is a fountain of living water, never stagnant, never dull. Your potential spouse should propel you to grow, to be greater, to live a life of fresh water. Even in our difficulties of life, Christ calls us to be better.


This is by no means a definitive list of what to look for, but I believe it lays a good foundation for the qualities to look for when looking for a Godly spouse.


What additional qualities would you add to the list? Share them below so we can make a more comprehensive list.

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One thought on “7 Qualities To Look For When Looking For A Godly Spouse

  1. This is really good! So much heartache could be saved if this was followed. Thank you! I pray that it will reach the ears of my children and others who need it.