There is a common myth when it comes to the age-old story of boy meets girl. Today, we are going to fix a myth about marriage.

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The story goes that for every one of us there is a specific someone we are supposed to marry; commonly referred to as “the one.”


A Few Problems

Before I offer a solution to this myth, let’s look at a few problems with it first and foremost.

  • One problem with this myth is that some people search their whole life and never seem to find “the one,” and may end up feeling as if they settled for someone. Later when things become difficult in their marriage and they become infatuated with someone else, that ‘new’ person then becomes “the one.”


  • Another problem with this thinking is we are a broken and fallen creation. We will hurt each other, we will mess up; and when it happens and it seems that all the pieces can’t be put back together our understanding of love falls apart. We then become resentful towards this person that was supposed to be our perfect partner.


  • Our “Walt Disney” created fairy tales about love make it seem like there will never be a hard day in marriage. Statements like, “they lived happily ever after” make it seem like there will never be a bad day, a fight, or times where you truly have to choose to be committed to your marriage.


Let Me Offer A Solution

Instead of always searching for “the one” or even a compatible partner, focus on being “the one.” By that I mean be the spouse that you would want to marry.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness – Matthew 6:33

If you want a spouse that is focused on the Lord, and who lives a life led by the spirit, be that person first. Be a man or woman so passionately in love with the Lord and seeking Him that nothing else matters, not even marriage

If you aren’t focused on the Lord, your marriage won’t be either.

Who you are before you get married gets carried into that relationship.

While you will change over time and grow as an individual as wells as a couple, you will bring baggage with you into your relationship, whether it is good or bad.


Choose today to live a life focused on and in surrender to the Lord, in such a way that you find your joy in Him rather than a man or woman. When that person comes into your life with which you can see yourself marrying, the first secret to having a happy marriage is choosing to be happy.

So, don’t focus on finding “the one,” focus on being “the one.”

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