A 5 Question Test

You’re sitting only a couple inches apart, but yet in reality you both are miles away. You both stare into the little blue screen in front of you typing and scrolling furiously in an attempt to keep up with emails, text messages, and the latest updates in the social stream. You have movies on demand, music on demand, as well as instant “connection” to hundreds if not thousands of people through social media streams. But is all this technology and connectedness killing intimacy where it matters most: at home?

Photo Credit: Andriy Deniskin via Compfight cc

My wife and I are regularly on our phones. If it’s not a phone call, it might be an email or a text conversation with a client, or even the most notorious time and intimacy killer Facebook.

There are often times where we will make an agreement to stay off our phones for a certain amount of time. That could be simply watching a movie at home, dinner, or a whole day while we are out.

There is nothing wrong with technology and the conveniences that it brings to our lives. The problem comes when we are more focused on our little blue screen than on our spouse.

I understand we live in a digital age, but that does not stop you from turning off your device to prioritize your marriage. As a couple you must do your own due diligence to know when those screens are taking up too much of your time and attention.

Too Much Technology Test

To know if technology is killing intimacy in your marriage ask yourself these five questions:

  1. When was the last time we prayed together?
  2. Is there anything that is currently bothering me about our relationship that my spouse does not know about?
  3. When was the last time we had intimate conversation? (How long was it?)
  4. When was the last time we had sex?
  5. How many fights have we had in the last 2 weeks?


If you are not spending enough intimate time together to properly discuss problems, aspirations, or pray together you are missing out on continually growing together in your relationship. If you have had more than one fight in the last two weeks it might be time to put down the tech and hold your spouses hands and talk some stuff out. And, it’s not always about sex, but let’s face it making love is God’s gift to husbands and wives to be intimate on the greatest level. If it’s been more than a few days, get after it. Take care of each other sexually as a way to reduce stress, create intimacy, and ward off sexual temptation. I covered the importance of this in the article What’s The Big Deal About Sex.

While it’s great to be able to utilize technology for work and play, don’t let it kill the intimacy at home. Make your marriage a priority, not your smartphone, social media connections, or your on-demand movies.


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