Having children is difficult. Raising children as a single parent is exponentially more difficult. If you are a single parent, here are the three most important things you should know.
I grew up in a single parent home with lots of difficulties. My mother raised three kids by herself. I believe if she had known and implemented these three things it would have changed the entire dynamic of our raising.
I thank God he brought men and women into my life to lead me to the Lord, disciple me in my walk with Christ, and help me move past my home life.
You Can’t Change The Past
The first thing every single parent should know is that you can’t change the past. Whether you are raising one kid or multiple kids because of pre-marital sex, a divorce, or a death know this, you can’t change what has already passed.
Regardless if the other parent left because of their fault or yours, there is nothing you can do now except make peace with them (if possible), make peace with the situation, and move forward. Holding on to anger, bitterness, and resentment hurts you and your children exponentially more than the other parent. There is an old saying that says,
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
That is not to say once you make peace everything will be easy peasy. No way. It will be difficult, but holding a grudge to the past will make it even more difficult.
I experienced a home where my mom dwelt on the past. She did not make peace with it and it destroyed her, and ultimately it destroyed her relationship with my siblings and I through abuse, and many hardships.
Accepting you can’t change the past will give you freedom from guilt, condemnation, and anger of what has happened.
You Can’t Control What Your Ex Does
Secondly, you can’t control what your ex does. They may act like a fool. They make act belligerent and not want to take care of their child. They may be rude towards you, but you cannot control what they do. You can only control what you do.
The sooner you make peace with the understanding that you cannot control their actions, you will be able to move forward. The only thing you can control is how you act and respond towards them and towards your children.
Do not use your children as a weapon or a bribe against your ex. YOU live a life of integrity and honor. As far as it depends on you live at peace with all men (Romans 12:18). I recently broke down this scripture and believe it is fitting in this instance.
I believe the Lord will honor your integrity.
Your Life Is An Example To Them
Finally, your life is an example to your children. I encourage and urge you to live a life after the Lord. Lead them to the Life that gives living water.
Don’t let the past, mistakes, or anything hinder you from pursuing the Lord and leading them to sit at His feet.
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6
The foundation you set when they are young children is what is built upon as they grow. The greatest and most important thing you can do is set a foundation in the Lord.
I am thankful the Lord redeemed my foundation from the difficulties that my siblings and I grew up in.
I don’t know why you are a single parent, and honestly it doesn’t matter. What matters now is the choice(s) you make today and going forward about how you will respond to the situation.
Your situation is not beyond redemption from the Lord. Whether you choose to remain single or choose to remarry, the world needs parents that will impact their children and society by not holding on to the past, parents who will act with integrity, and parents who will set a foundation in the Lord.
Be that parent. The world needs you.
What is one thing you struggle with as a single parent? Share in a comment below and let’s discuss it.