It doesn’t matter if it’s between two friends or two countries, communication is everything when it comes to relationships…especially marriage. As we continue our 12 ways to divorce proof your marriage series, today we look at the importance of daily intimate conversation and the value it has for your relationship.
I want you to stop and think for a moment. How much time do you actually talk to your spouse? 5 minutes a day? 30 minutes a day? An hour a day? Now, what do you actually talk about?
I am not talking about texting each other, or just hellos and goodbyes as you pass by each other on your way in and out of the door. I am talking about deep intimate conversation. If you are not sitting down and communicating to each other on a regular basis, your relationship is going to take a hit.
Just like any hobby, skill, job, or relationship your fluency develops, and continues to develop over time, as you invest in it. Your marital relationship is no different. If you desire a thriving marriage, it’s important to spend time cultivating that relationship each and every day. It doesn’t matter if you have been married for 1 year or 50 years. (Hint: This is also why you should never stop dating your spouse.)
The Importance of Daily Communication
The way we connect is through verbal communication, with the exception of sign language for those who are hearing impaired. The way we communicate tells the other person a lot about us. When we communicate there are a number of factors that play a part in how the other person interprets the information you are presenting.
- Body language
- The actual words
Each of these aspects play an integral role in communicating with your spouse as well. How important is communication to us as humans?
Think of Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway. What did he do after having zero communication with another human? He invented the character “Wilson.” He needed someone to talk with, and after a while it drove him mad.
Are you and your spouse the same person you were when you were dating, as in your first year of marriage, or even 10 years into your marriage? No. I am going to venture to guess that you have changed. Your wants and desires have changed. Your interests may have changed. Your needs may have changed.
As we grow and age, many areas of our lives make transitions. If you and your spouse are having more arguments and disagreements than normal, I’m going to venture to guess there has been a breakdown in communication somewhere along the line. For your marriage to thrive, there has to be a constant flow of information, encouragement, and discussion.
Taking time each day to discuss with your spouse what your thoughts, desires, and emotions are, continues to solidify your marital relationship. While going to bed to together allows you to have pillow talk, many times this simply is not enough.
I believe that couples should have a minimum of 60-90 minutes of intimate conversation each day. I have found this to be true for myself, but also for other couples I have talked to through the years.
Intentional daily intimate conversation can accomplish a number of things:
- Draw you closer together
- Voice troubles, problems, or concerns before they become major issues
- Express wants or needs to one another
- Provide encouragement to one another
- Spur each other on to love and good works (Heb. 10:24)
- Resolve conflicts
- Provides opportunity to pray for each other
- Help you prepare for the day or week ahead
- Express your emotions to each other
- Help you sooner detect those subtle changes that occur in our lives over time
The list could go on, but you get the picture.
Our marital relationship is meant to mimic the relationship between Christ and His bride. As the church we communicate with Christ through prayer and meditation, and he communicates to us through speaking to our spirit. When we fail to communicate with Christ, what happens? We will have a tendency to miss the mark, to sin.
When you fail to make communication with your spouse a priority, they will seek that connection elsewhere. This is where many affairs happen. One spouse is looking for attention, typically from someone of the opposite sex. The spouse is looking to communicate their thoughts and emotions, and it often leads to physical expression as well. This is another reason we should be having lots of sex.
I challenge you to spend 60-90 minutes each day for one month having daily intimate discussions with your spouse, preferably uninterrupted, and see if your relationship doesn’t explode to new heights. (I know this can be difficult with children, but do what you can by making it a priority.)
It doesn’t have to be all at once. Break it into two or three sessions through the day if you need to. The more time in one sitting is better if you can achieve it. Daily intimate conversation lays the bedrock for a great relationship.
Divorce proof your marriage by making it a priority to have clear communication with your spouse on a daily basis. For a better understanding on how to communicate to alleviate frustration check back to this article on the Key to Communication.