Communication is one of the pillars to a powerful marriage. Without it relationships crumble. Did you know men tend to say more in public than in private, while women are the opposite? (Find out more on that from Saving Your Marriage Before, or After, It Starts) Men are notorious for failing at the communication portion while in private, so here’s what wives need to know that their husband will probably never tell them.
There are two important things most men desire, but will rarely outright express to their wives. They are probably the top two things that drive them. In sharing them with you I hope you will work to fulfill these needs for your husband and strengthen your marriage.
They Want To Feel Wanted
A man, even the most lone wolf, desires to be wanted. He desires to know that what he brings to the table, is wanted at the table. He seeks approval of knowing he is doing a job well done.
Now don’t get me wrong here, I do believe that it is the man’s job to pursue the woman. This is a direct representation of Christ chasing His bride, but there are times when the wife must pursue the husband to assure him that he is wanted and desired. This is symbolic of the bride, the church, pursuing Christ on a regular basis.
Wives, your husband wants to know that you want him in every sense of the word. He may not express it, and he will probably not tell you, but he wants to be wanted.
Often times we get caught up in the rush and go of our daily lives that we (husbands and wives) forget to pursue each other.
When it comes to sex, while most women need to feel loved before sex, men typically feel loved because of sex. When that cycle gets off, the only way to get it back on track is by someone being intentional about doing so. Pursue your husband, and let him know that no matter how many years you have been married you still want him.
Most affairs will sprout from the feeling that the man (or woman) no longer feels wanted or desired. When a new person comes along and makes them feel desired they will gravitate towards that person.
I’m not just talking about sex here. Husbands’ desire to know they are wanted around the house, they are wanted for what they contribute to the family, and are wanted for what they bring to the table in each aspect of your marriage and family.
They Want To Feel Needed
Now on the contrary to feeling wanted and desired, men also want to feel needed. Husbands want to know that even though you want them, you also need them.
The difference lies in the intent. A want is something that you can live without, like chocolate. I want chocolate, but I need oxygen.
Mature men have this innate need to know they are providing for their family. They want to be able to provide and take care of their wife. If you are an independent woman who really doesn’t need a man, you may be hindering your relationship. I am not saying don’t be successful, but make sure your husband knows you need him and what he brings to the table in your relationship.
He wants to know the work he is putting his hand to is vital to the success of your family. He wants to know he is making a contribution to the greater good of your home and future.
The wonderful thing about creation is that God has given men and women so many differences, but at the same time so many similarities. Women I know you desire these things as well, but for some reason it is rarely expressed that men desire them as well.
Be intentional about your relationship. Wives you need to know these things, even if your husband will never tell you.