SEX. The white elephant in the room of Christianity. Some think about it rarely, some think about it often, while some may land in the middle and it’s neither here nor there for them. In America we live a sex driven culture where a hamburger ad can be laden with a scantily clad woman all in hopes to get you to go eat at a specific restaurant, which makes it nearly impossible to never think about it.
From billboards and commercials, to sporting events and restaurants, sex is everywhere. That old saying that “sex sells” has been pushed to an all time high when it comes to marketing today. But let’s take a deeper look when it comes to sex, marriage, and relationships. Sex can be a VERY broad subject which is why today we will only be discussing it in the marriage aspect, with a quick touch on a few other things.
There are also 6 additional resources/articles at the end from other websites that I HIGHLY encourage you to read. They will provide you great insight and hopefully foster a great sexual relationship between you and your spouse.
Avoidance to full on exposure…
If you are trying to remain a virgin, you are told and taught to steer clear of sex, or anything that could lead to or even make you think about it until marriage. Then marriage comes and WAM-O there it is. You go from completely avoiding it, to full on exposure (no pun intended).
You are confronted with a whole new side of yourself and your spouse that challenges everything you have ever been taught. You go from thinking sex is bad, to now sex is ok. Which can create issues when it comes to intimacy. So is this a reason to have premarital sex? BY NO MEANS.
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled… – Hebrews 13:4
As I presented a moment ago, we live in a highly sexually charged society. Sex is pretty much everywhere. And, Sex is a very beautiful thing!…When it is in the right marital context. Just read Song of Solomon.
The culture today tells us that premarital sex is ok, but in reality it goes against Biblical principles (1 Corinthians 6 and 7, Hebrews 13:4, 2 Corinthians 12:21, to name a few), and studies have shown that premarital sex can do more harm than good with in the long term of the marriage relationship. Paul dealt with this very same thing in writing to the Corinthians. Corinth was a sexually driven society just like America.
That whole Mars and Venus thing…
You know the old saying men are from mars women are from venus. I have never read the book, but it is true. Men and women are just wired differently. Men are more visually stimulated and feel loved after sex, while women are more emotionally and psychologically stimulated, and need to feel loved prior to sex.
Or there is the analogy that men are like microwaves and women are like crock pots. Yes, we get it. we are different when it comes to sex. But, in living a Godly marriage we need to understand and embrace those differences. This is why it is vital to discuss your sex life in your marriage, and understand each others needs, wants, and desires when it comes to intimacy.
On a side note, it is important to discuss sex prior to marriage so each of you can know what to expect from each other. I would recommend only doing this if you know you can maintain your sexual purity during or after discussing this, or do it during premarital counseling in a safe environment.
We should be having lots of sex!
Married couples should be having lots of sex, except when we set aside an agreed upon time for prayer. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7,
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Men, if you want to get lucky, women have needs that need to be met also. You are commanded to love your wife as Christ loved the church, which included up to Him dying for her. So guys if you want to get lucky, meet the emotional and psychological needs of your wife! If that means doing chores then do it. If that means giving her a back massage, taking care of the kids for a little bit to give her some down time, or going out on a date, THEN DO IT.
Women, your man has needs. Studies have shown, and it is addressed in a couple of the articles below, that most men need sex every 2-3 days. I don’t say this because I am a man, but because it is true. It can actually be painful for a male if he has not has intercourse in a while.
He is visually stimulated, “dress to impress” your man. X3 church discusses in the article “8 reasons my husband wont have sex with me” listed below, flannel pajamas suck, so do sweat pants and looking drab. Give him some eye candy when he is around you. I’m not talking about being slutty, but look good for him.
Sex is two sided; make sure to meet each others needs. The Bible tells us that the act of intercourse makes a man and woman become one flesh. You are joined physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When you make sex just about your needs being met, there is a problem.
You take something from your spouse without giving to them, and I’m not talking about orgasm, I’m talking about the emotional and spiritual draw from each other. Intercourse should edify both parties spiritually, emotionally, as well as physically.
Ladies and Gentlemen, let us refer back to Paul’s letter to the Corinthians,
Do not deprive one another…so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
We live in a sexually charged society. Meet the needs of your spouse so that when they go out into that society their needs are already met and there is no need to look elsewhere for them to be met. Women send your man to work with a smile on his face so he doesn’t even notice the scantily dressed woman at the office, or is even tempted to resort to porn.
Men make sure your wife is satisfied emotionally, psychologically, and physically so she has no need to seek that comfort elsewhere. Our society is overrun by infidelity and divorce. Do not allow your spouses needs (emotional, spiritual, psychological, visual, and especially sexual) to go unmet, so as to allow the devil a foothold of temptation.
Here are a few tips on how to do that:
- Discuss each others needs
- Make sex fun and playful
- Make time for sex, even if you have to schedule it
- Be romantic
- But be spontaneous
- Be selfless
- Have lots of sex
HERE ARE SOME GREAT ADDITIONAL RESOURCES THAT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU READ:
The first 4 links are written from a woman’s perspective.
YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A PERVERT, PART 2: TOP 3 WAYS TO HELP HER UNDERSTAND (Written by her husband)
These next 2 resources are from a site called X3 Church that works to provide online accountability.